登陆注册
19901600000040

第40章

To lie down and roll in the sticky, cool young hyacinths, to lie on one's belly and cover one's back with handfuls of fine wet grass, soft as a breath, soft and more delicate and more beautiful than the touch of any woman;and then to sting one's thigh against the living dark bristles of the fir-boughs;and then to feel the light whip of the hazel on one's shoulders, stinging, and then to clasp the silvery birch-trunk against one's breast, its smoothness, its hardness, its vital knots and ridges -- this was good, this was all very good, very satisfying.Nothing else would do, nothing else would satisfy, except this coolness and subtlety of vegetation travelling into one's blood.

How fortunate he was, that there was this lovely, subtle, responsive vegetation, waiting for him, as he waited for it; how fulfilled he was, how happy!

As he dried himself a little with his handkerchief, he thought about Hermione and the blow.He could feel a pain on the side of his head.But after all, what did it matter? What did Hermione matter, what did people matter altogether? There was this perfect cool loneliness, so lovely and fresh and unexplored.Really, what a mistake he had made, thinking he wanted people, thinking he wanted a woman.He did not want a woman -- not in the least.The leaves and the primroses and the trees, they were really lovely and cool and desirable, they really came into the blood and were added on to him.He was enrichened now immeasurably, and so glad.

It was quite right of Hermione to want to kill him.What had he to do with her? Why should he pretend to have anything to do with human beings at all? Here was his world, he wanted nobody and nothing but the lovely, subtle, responsive vegetation, and himself, his own living self.

It was necessary to go back into the world.That was true.But that did not matter, so one knew where one belonged.He knew now where he belonged.

This was his place, his marriage place.The world was extraneous.

He climbed out of the valley, wondering if he were mad.But if so, he preferred his own madness, to the regular sanity.He rejoiced in his own madness, he was free.He did not want that old sanity of the world, which was become so repulsive.He rejoiced in the new-found world of his madness.

It was so fresh and delicate and so satisfying.

As for the certain grief he felt at the same time, in his soul, that was only the remains of an old ethic, that bade a human being adhere to humanity.But he was weary of the old ethic, of the human being, and of humanity.He loved now the soft, delicate vegetation, that was so cool and perfect.He would overlook the old grief, he would put away the old ethic, he would be free in his new state.

He was aware of the pain in his head becoming more and more difficult every minute.He was walking now along the road to the nearest station.

It was raining and he had no hat.But then plenty of cranks went out nowadays without hats, in the rain.

He wondered again how much of his heaviness of heart, a certain depression, was due to fear, fear lest anybody should have seen him naked lying against the vegetation.What a dread he had of mankind, of other people! It amounted almost to horror, to a sort of dream terror -- his horror of being observed by some other people.If he were on an island, like Alexander Selkirk, with only the creatures and the trees, he would be free and glad, there would be none of this heaviness, this misgiving.He could love the vegetation and be quite happy and unquestioned, by himself.

He had better send a note to Hermione: she might trouble about him, and he did not want the onus of this.So at the station, he wrote saying:

I will go on to town -- I don't want to come back to Breadalby for the present.But it is quite all right -- I don't want you to mind having biffed me, in the least.Tell the others it is just one of my moods.You were quite right, to biff me -- because I know you wanted to.So there's the end of it.

In the train, however, he felt ill.Every motion was insufferable pain, and he was sick.He dragged himself from the station into a cab, feeling his way step by step, like a blind man, and held up only by a dim will.

For a week or two he was ill, but he did not let Hermione know, and she thought he was sulking; there was a complete estrangement between them.

She became rapt, abstracted in her conviction of exclusive righteousness.

She lived in and by her own self-esteem, conviction of her own rightness of spirit.

同类推荐
  • 扁鹊神应针灸玉龙经

    扁鹊神应针灸玉龙经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 秋声集

    秋声集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 三洞枢机杂说

    三洞枢机杂说

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 西征石城记

    西征石城记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 日闻录

    日闻录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 气破苍穹

    气破苍穹

    天才变废材?是封印还是另有隐情?晏临风,在庆功宴上变成了修炼废材丢尽家族脸面,巨大的压力让他想跳崖自尽。神秘的戒指,诡异的老人,古老的门派,让他绝地逢生,又给人们带来连连的惊喜!青梅竹马的表妹,咄咄逼人的大小姐,又会给他带来什么样的灾难?一个炼气大陆,一个全新的故事……
  • 青公馆的七位少爷之承诺

    青公馆的七位少爷之承诺

    她以为自己会永久深陷黑暗中,那时可以清楚地意识到死亡的疼痛。可不知睡了多久,当感觉到了阳光的热和刺眼后,又再次看到了阳光。稍微的动静,都会牵扯到浑身的疼和酸。我还活着,哥哥!苏醒过来,疯狂复仇。敢惹我们,你们会在死亡中后悔!(本文纯属虚构,请勿模仿。)
  • 村长大人

    村长大人

    碧水青山,温泉幽谷。边疆偏远的世外桃源。大学毕业回报家乡,看李明浩如何带领这个群山中的小山村发展富强!山珍海鲜,这里有顶级美味。流云飞瀑,这里有顶级美景。猛虎,雪豹,松鼠,河狸,这里有萌宠巨兽。看多了勾心斗角,装逼踩人,来品味一下这款云淡风轻!
  • 人类神秘现象未解之谜

    人类神秘现象未解之谜

    我们所生活的世界是一个充满了神秘的世界,各种神秘现象层出不穷,尤其是作为人类本身的神秘现象更是不可枚举。人类从诞生之日起到现在,历经沧桑巨变,从原始文明到现代文明,无论哪个时代都有人类驻足过的痕迹;从自然科学到社会历史,从人类自身到超自然现象,都留下了人类的神秘现象。大千世界,无奇不有。人类在经历了几十万年的历史,在不同的时期、不同的地域都留下了许多不为人知的千古谜团。
  • 彼岸花开之魔神降临

    彼岸花开之魔神降临

    诅咒之子,彼岸花开。她,出生之时,彼岸花开遍整个大陆,带着诅咒出生,注定一生不顺。然而,他出现了,那个拥有璀璨星眸的男孩出现了,那一句,我会保护你,却让她的心跳动。第一次情窦初开,却无法说出口……“我们要拉勾,不能忘记彼此哦!”他们的缘分,从他们手指相勾的时候就开始了,可惜,那一个承诺,他们都忘了……欢迎各位看官收看在下新书:《绝世妖妃:腹黑世子难追妻》!保证是一股清流!
  • 异禀天尊

    异禀天尊

    一次意外灰飞烟灭,不过这并不是结束,而是开始。一个莫名的年代,莫名的时空,因为韩师的到来,一切都有所改变。韩氏家族的天才,商业上面的奇才,但是最出彩的地方还是在古武届上面,在落魄的古武界,韩师竟然是拼着自己的努力还有奋斗,达到了突破天人的程度上面,但是天劫可是会那么的简单?不会的,在这里他可能不起眼,但是他在不久的将来,将改写这个时代,成为异世一代宗师。
  • 君主法则

    君主法则

    简单来说,就是一只蝙蝠摇身一变到了人类世界作威作福然后拐带了一群亲朋好友回家继续作威作福的故事。
  • tfboys之你对我的承诺

    tfboys之你对我的承诺

    即使你已经不爱我了,即使你已经忘记我了,即使我已经从这个世界消失,我依然会爱着你,我会去找一个天使让它替我来爱你。如果有一天,我爱的人们不在了,我会怎样?他们都是天使,那我也要是天使,会努力活得很快乐,不让自己的眼睛看到悲伤。
  • 谋天记

    谋天记

    传说,在九天之上有着一座神圣的宫殿,它叫圣殿。圣殿的主人,就是命运大神,命运大神掌管着天地万物,拥有着让众生颤抖的力量,据说,只要得到命运大神的恩赐,凡人也可以永生不灭。所以,无数的修炼之人,无不努力修炼,希望终有一日可以踏上九天,求得永生。
  • 妖夜记

    妖夜记

    五千多年前,从虚空中降下的天罚摧毁了处于中央界的“通天木”,从而使灵气异变,所有世界都陷入了无法修炼的境地,一直到三千多年前左右,灵气逐渐恢复,同时万千世界都发生了变化,一个属于传奇不断诞生的时代开始了……