Full of what he had heard, and impatient to obtain further information respecting the state of his father's affairs, Lord Colambre hastened home; but his father was out, and his mother was engaged with Mr.Soho, directing, or rather being directed, how her apartments should be fitted up for her gala.As Lord Colambre entered the room, he saw his mother, Miss Nugent, and Mr.Soho, standing at a large table, which was covered with rolls of paper, patterns, and drawings of furniture: Mr.Soho was speaking in a conceited dictatorial tone, asserting that there was no 'colour in nature for that room equal to THE BELLY-O'-THEFAWN;' which BELLY-O'-THE FAWN he so pronounced that Lady Clonbrony understood it to be LA BELLE UNIFORME, and, under this mistake, repeated and assented to the assertion till it was set to rights, with condescending superiority, by the upholsterer.
This first architectural upholsterer of the age, as he styled himself, and was universally admitted to be by all the world of fashion, then, with full powers given to him, spoke EN MAITRE.
The whole face of things must be changed--there must be new hangings, new draperies, new cornices, new candelabras, new everything!
The upholsterer's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, Glances from ceiling to floor, from floor to ceiling;And, as imagination bodies forth The form of things unknown, th' upholsterer's pencil Turns to shape and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a NAME.
Of the value of a NAME no one could be more sensible than Mr.
Soho.
'Your la'ship sees--this is merely a scratch of my pencil--your la'ship's sensible--just to give you an idea of the shape, the form of the thing.You fill up your angles here with ECOINIERES--round your walls with the TURKISH TENT DRAPERY--a fancy of my own--in apricot cloth, or crimson velvet, suppose, or EN FLUTE, in crimson satin draperies, fanned and riched with gold fringes, EN SUITE--intermediate spaces, Apollo's heads with gold rays--and here, ma'am, you place four CHANCELIERES, with chimeras at the corners, covered with blue silk and silver fringe, elegantly fanciful--with my STATIRA CANOPY here--light blue silk draperies --aerial tint, with silver balls--and for seats here, the SERAGLIO OTTOMANS, superfine scarlet--your paws--griffin--golden --and golden tripods, here, with antique cranes--and oriental alabaster tables here and there--quite appropriate, your la'ship feels.
'And--let me reflect.For the next apartment, it strikes me--as your la'ship don't value expense--THE ALHAMBRA HANGINGS--my own thought entirely.Now, before I unroll them, Lady Clonbrony, Imust beg you'll not mention I've shown them.I give you my sacred honour, not a soul has set eye upon the Alhambra hangings, except Mrs.Dareville, who stole a peep; I refused, absolutely refused, the Duchess of Torcaster--but I can't refuse your la'ship.So see, ma'am--(unrolling them)--scagliola porphyry columns supporting the grand dome--entablature, silvered and decorated with imitative bronze ornaments; under the entablature, A VALANCE IN PELMETS, of puffed scarlet silk, would have an unparalleled grand effect, seen through the arches--with the TREBISOND TRELLICE PAPER, would make a TOUT ENSEMBLE, novel beyond example.On that Trebisond trellice paper, I confess, ladies, I do pique myself.
'Then, for the little room, I recommend turning it temporarily into a Chinese pagoda, with this CHINESE PAGODA PAPER, with the PORCELAIN border, and josses, and jars, and beakers to match; and I can venture to promise one vase of pre-eminent size and beauty.
Oh, indubitably! if your la'ship prefers it, you can have the EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHIC PAPER, with the IBIS BORDER to match! The only objection is, one sees it everywhere--quite antediluvian --gone to the hotels even; but, to be sure, if your la'ship has a fancy--At all events, I humbly recommend, what her Grace of Torcaster longs to patronise, my MOON CURTAINS, with candlelight draperies.A demisaison elegance this--I hit off yesterday--and --true, your la'ship's quite correct--out of the common, completely.And, of course, you'd have the SPHYNX CANDELABRAS, and the Phoenix argands.Oh! nothing else lights now, ma'am!
Expense! Expense of the whole! Impossible to calculate here on the spot!--but nothing at all worth your ladyship's consideration!'
At another moment, Lord Colambre might have been amused with all this rhodomontade, and with the airs and voluble conceit of the orator; but, after what he had heard at Mr.Mordicai's, this whole scene struck him more with melancholy than with mirth.He was alarmed by the prospect of new and unbounded expense;provoked, almost past enduring, by the jargon and impertinence of this upholsterer; mortified and vexed to the heart to see his mother the dupe, the sport of such a coxcomb.
'Prince of puppies!--insufferable!--My own mother!' Lord Colambre repeated to himself, as he walked hastily up and down the room.
'Colambre, won't you let us have your judgment--your TEESTE' said his mother.
'Excuse me, ma'am.I have no taste, no judgment, in these things.'
