MRS.ROBERTS (briskly, as if she had often tried it and failed).Oh, not the least in the world.I'm sure it was all intended; and if you had turned out to be Willis at last, I should be CERTAIN of it.What surprises me is that you shouldn't turn out to be anybody, after all.
THE CALIFORNIAN.Yes, it is kind of curious.But I couldn't help it.I did my best.
MRS.ROBERTS.Oh, don't speak of it.WE are the ones who ought to apologize.But if you only had been somebody, it would have been such a good joke! We could always have had such a laugh over it, don't you see?
THE CALIFORNIAN.Yes, ma'am, it would have been funny.But I hope you've enjoyed it as it is.
MRS.ROBERTS.Oh, very much, thanks to you.Only I can't seem to get reconciled to your not being anybody, after all.You MUST at least be some one we've heard about, don't you think? It's so strange that you and Willis never even met.Don't you think you have some acquaintances in common?
CAMPBELL.Look here, Agnes, do you always shout at the top of your voice in this way when you converse in a sleeping-car?
MRS.ROBERTS.Was I talking loud again? Well, you can't help it if you want to make people hear you.
CAMPBELL.But there must be a lot of them who don't want to hear you.I wonder that the passengers who are not blood-relations don't throw things at you--boots and hand-bags and language.
MRS.ROBERTS.Why, that's what they've BEEN doing--language, at least--and I'm only surprised they're not doing it now.
THE CALIFORNIAN (rising).They'd better not, ma'am.
[He patrols the car from end to end, and quells some rising murmurs, halting at the rebellious berths as he passes.]
MRS.ROBERTS (enraptured by his companionship).Oh, he MUST be some connection.[She glances through the window.] I do believe that was Newton, or Newtonville, or West Newton, or Newton Centre.I must run and wake up baby, and get him dressed.I shan't want to wait an instant after we get in.Why, we're slowing up! Why, I do believe we're there! Edward, we're there! Only fancy being there already!
MR.ROBERTS.Yes, my dear.Only we're not quite there yet.Hadn't we better call your aunt Mary?
MRS.ROBERTS.I'd forgotten her.
CAMPBELL.Is Aunt Mary with you?
MRS.ROBERTS.To be sure she is.Didn't I tell you? She came on expressly to meet you.
CAMPBELL (starting up impetuously).Which berth is she in?
MRS.ROBERTS.Right over baby.
CAMPBELL.And which berth is baby in?
MRS.ROBERTS (distractedly).Why, that's just what I can't TELL.It was bad enough when they were all filled up, but now since the people have begun to come out of them, and some of them are made into seats I can't tell.
THE CALIFORNIAN.I'll look for you, ma'am.I should like to wake up all the wrong passengers on this car.I'd take a pleasure in it.If you could make sure of any berth that AIN'T the one, I'll begin on that.
MRS.ROBERTS.I can't even be sure of the wrong one.No, no; you mustn't--[THE CALIFORNIAN moves away, and pauses in front of one of the berths, looking back inquiringly at MRS.ROBERTS.] Oh, don't ask ME! _I_ can't tell.[To CAMPBELL.] ISN'T he amusing? So like all those Californians that one reads of--so chivalrous and SO humorous!
AUNT MARY (thrusting her head from the curtains of the berth before which THE CALIFORNIAN is standing).Go along with you! What do you want?
THE CALIFORNIAN.Aunt Mary.
AUNT MARY.Go away.Aunt Mary, indeed!
