There, it lies on the ground. But what do you want to do with me?
EURIPIDES
To shave off this beard of yours, and to remove all your other hair as well.
MNESILOCHUS
Do what you think fit; I yield myself entirely to you.
EURIPIDES
Agathon, you always have razors about you; lend me one.
AGATHON
Take it yourself, there, out of that case.
EURIPIDES
Thanks. (To MNESILOCHUS) Now sit down and puff out your right cheek.
MNESILOCHUS (as he is being shaved)
Ow! Ow! Ow!
EURIPIDES
What are you houting for? I'll cram a spit down your gullet, if you're not quiet.
MNESILOCHUS
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (He jumps up and starts running away.)EURIPIDES
Where are you running to now?
MNESILOCHUS
To the temple of the Eumenides. No, by Demeter! I won't let myself be gashed like that.
EURIPIDES
But you will get laughed at, with your face half-shaven like that.
MNESILOCHUS
Little care I.
EURIPIDES
In the gods' names, don't leave me in the lurch. Come here.
MNESILOCHUS
Oh! by the gods! (He turns reluctantly and resumes his seat.)EURIPIDES
Keep still and hold up your head. Why do you want to fidget about like this?
MNESILOCHUS
Mm, mm.
EURIPIDES
Well! why mm, mm? There! it's done and well done too!
MNESILOCHUS
Alas, I shall fight without armour.
EURIPIDES
Don't worry; you look charming. Do you want to see yourself?
MNESILOCHUS
Yes, I do; hand the mirror here.
EURIPIDES
Do you see yourself?
MNESILOCHUS
But this is not I, it is Clisthenes!
EURIPIDES
Stand up; I am now going to remove your hair. Bend down.
MNESILOCHUS
Alas! alas! they are going to grill me like a pig.
EURIPIDES
Come now, a torch or a lamp! Bend down and watch out for the tender end of your tool!
MNESILOCHUS
Aye, aye! but I'm afire! oh! oh! Water, water, neighbour, or my perineum will be alight!
EURIPIDES
Keep up your courage!
MNESILOCHUS
Keep my courage, when I'm being burnt up?
EURIPIDES
Come, cease your whining, the worst is over.
MNESILOCHUS
Oh! it's quite black, all burnt down there!
EURIPIDES
Don't worry! Satyrus will wash it.
MNESILOCHUS
Woe to him who dares to wash me!
EURIPIDES
Agathon, you refuse to devote yourself to helping me; but at any rate lend me a tunic and a belt. You cannot say you have not got them.
AGATHON
Take them and use them as you like; I consent.
MNESILOCHUS
What shall I take?
EURIPIDES
First put on this long saffron-coloured robe.
MNESILOCHUS
By Aphrodite! what a sweet odour! how it smells of young male tools Hand it to me quickly. And the belt?
EURIPIDES
Here it is.
MNESILOCHUS
Now some rings for my legs.
EURIPIDES
You still want a hair-net and a head-dress.
AGATHON
Here is my night cap.
EURIPIDES
Ah! that's fine.
MNESILOCHUS
Does it suit me?
AGATHON
It could not be better.
EURIPIDES
And a short mantle?
AGATHON
There's one on the couch; take it.
EURIPIDES
He needs slippers.
AGATHON
Here are mine.
MNESILOCHUS
Will they fit me? (To AGATHON) You don't like a loose fit.
AGATHON
Try them on. Now that you have all you need, let me be taken inside.
(The eccyclema turns and AGATHON disappears.)EURIPIDES
You look for all the world like a woman. But when you talk, take good care to give your voice a woman's tone.
MNESILOCHUS (falsetto)
I'll try my best.
EURIPIDES
Come, get yourself to the temple.
MNESILOCHUS
No, by Apollo, not unless you swear to me....
EURIPIDES
What?
MNESILOCHUS
....that, if anything untoward happen to me, you will leave nothing undone to save me.
EURIPIDES
Very well! I swear it by the Aether, the dwelling-place of the king of the gods.
MNESILOCHUS
Why not rather swear it by the sons of Hippocrates?
EURIPIDES
Come, I swear it by all the gods, both great and small.
MNESILOCHUS
Remember, it's the heart, and not the tongue, that has sworn;for the oaths of the tongue concern me but little.
EURIPIDES
Hurry up! The signal for the meeting has just been raised on the Temple of Demeter. Farewell.
(They both depart. The scene changes to the interior of the Thesmophorion, where the women who form the chorus are assembled. Mnesilochus enters, in his feminine attire, striving to act as womanly as possible, and giving his voice as female a pitch and lilt as he can; he pretends to be addressing his slave-girl.)MNESILOCHUS
Here, Thratta, follow me. Look, Thratta, at the cloud of smoke that arises from all these lighted torches. Ah! beautiful Thesmophorae! grant me your favours, protect me, both within the temple and on my way back! Come, Thratta, put down the basket and take out the cake, which I wish to offer to the two goddesses. Mighty divinity, oh, Demeter, and thou, Persephone, grant that I may be able to offer you many sacrifices; above all things, grant that Imay not be recognized. Would that my well-holed daughter might marry a man as rich as he is foolish and silly, so that she may have nothing to do but amuse herself. But where can a place be found for hearing well? Be off, Thratta, be off; slaves have no right to be present at this gathering.
(He sits down amongst the women.)
WOMAN HERALD
Silence! Silence! Pray to the Thesmophorae, Demeter and Cora; pray to Plutus, Calligenia, Curotrophus, the Earth, Hermes and the Graces, that all may happen for the best at this gathering, both for the greatest advantage of Athens and for our own personal happiness!
May the award be given her who, by both deeds and words, has most deserved it from the Athenian people and from the women! Address these prayers to heaven and demand happiness for yourselves. Io Paean! Io Paean! Let us rejoice!
CHORUS (singing)
May the gods deign to accept our vows and our prayers! Oh!
