Sir John affects thy wife. FORD Why, sir, my wife is not young. PISTOL He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford;He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend. FORD Love my wife! PISTOL With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:
O, odious is the name! FORD What name, sir? PISTOL The horn, I say. Farewell.
Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:
Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.
Away, Sir Corporal Nym!
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.
Exit FORD [Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this. NYM [To PAGE] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours:
I
should have borne the humoured letter to her;but I
have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.
He loves your wife; there's the short and the long.
My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch;'tis true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.
Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese, and there's the humour of it. Adieu.
Exit PAGE 'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow frights English out of his wits. FORD I will seek out Falstaff. PAGE I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. FORD If I do find it: well. PAGE I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. FORD 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. PAGE How now, Meg!
MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward MISTRESS PAGE Whither go you, George? Hark you. MISTRESS FORD How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? FORD I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. MISTRESS FORD Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page? MISTRESS PAGE Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.
Aside to MISTRESS FORD
Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. MISTRESS FORD [Aside to MISTRESS PAGE] Trust me, Ithought on her:
she'll fit it.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY MISTRESS PAGE You are come to see my daughter Anne? MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? MISTRESS PAGE Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with you.
Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY PAGE How now, Master Ford! FORD You heard what this knave told me, did you not? PAGE Yes: and you heard what the other told me? FORD Do you think there is truth in them? PAGE Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;very rogues, now they be out of service. FORD Were they his men? PAGE Marry, were they. FORD I like it never the better for that.
Does he lie at the Garter? PAGE Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him;and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. FORD I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident:
I
would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. PAGE Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
there is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily.
Enter Host How now, mine host! Host How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!
Enter SHALLOW SHALLOW I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Host Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook. SHALLOW Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor. FORD Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.
Drawing him aside Host What sayest thou, my bully-rook? SHALLOW [To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
They converse apart Host Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleire? FORD None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook.
It is a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires? SHALLOW Have with you, mine host. PAGE I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. SHALLOW Tut, sir, I could have told you more.
In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page;'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? PAGE Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.
Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE FORD Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house; and what they made there, I know not.
Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.
