Jerome was as morose as ever in his general character, but he had somewhat softened towards Gerard.All the time he was in England he had missed him more then he thought possible, and since then had often wondered what had become of him.What he heard in Gouda raised his feeble brother in his good opinion; above all, that he had withstood the Pope and the Minorites on "the infernal heresy of the immaculate conception," as he called it.But when one of his young monks told him with tears in his eyes the Cause of Gerard's illness, all his contempt revived."Dying for a woman?"He determined to avert this scandal; he visited Clement twice a day in his cell, and tried all his old influence and all his eloquence to induce him to shake off this unspiritual despondency, and not rob the church of his piety and his eloquence at so critical a period.
Gerard heard him, approved his reasoning, admired his strength, confessed his own weakness, and continued visibly to wear away to the land of the leal.One day Jerome told him he had heard his story, and heard it with pride."But now," said he, "you spoil it all, Clement; for this is the triumph of earthly passion.Better have yielded to it and repented, than resist it while she lived, and succumb under it now, body and soul.""Dear Jerome," said Clement, so sweetly as to rob his remonstrance of the tone of remonstrance, "here, I think, you do me some injustice.Passion there is none; but a deep affection, for which I will not blush here, since I shall not blush for it in heaven.
Bethink thee, Jerome, the poor dog that dies of grief on his master's grave, is he guilty of passion? Neither am I.Passion had saved my life, and lost my soul, She was my good angel; she sustained me in my duty and charity; her face encouraged me in the pulpit; her lips soothed me under ingratitude.She intertwined herself with all that was good in my life; and after leaning on her so long, I could not go on alone.And, dear Jerome, believe me I am no rebel against Heaven.It is God's will to release me.When they threw the earth upon her poor coffin, something snapped within my bosom here that mended may not be.I heard it, and Ifelt it.And from that time, Jerome, no food that I put in my mouth had any savour.With my eyes bandaged now I could not tell thee which was bread, and which was flesh, by eating of it.""Holy saints!"
"And again, from that same hour my deep dejection left me, and Ismiled again.I often smile - why? I read it thus: He in whose hands are the issues of life and death gave me that minute the great summons; 'twas some cord of life snapped in me.He is very pitiful.I should have lived unhappy; but He said, 'No; enough is done, enough is suffered; poor feeble, loving servant, thy shortcomings are forgiven, thy sorrows touch thine end; come thou to thy rest!' I come, Lord, I come!"Jerome groaned."The Church had ever her holy but feeble servants," he said."Now would I give ten years of my life to save thine.But I see it may not be.Die in peace."And so it was that in a few days more Gerard lay a-dying in a frame of mind so holy and happy, that more than one aged saint was there to garner his dying words.In the evening he had seen Giles, and begged him not to let poor Jack starve; and to see that little Gerard's trustees did their duty, and to kiss his parents for him, and to send Denys to his friends in Burgundy: "Poor thing, he will feel so strange here without his comrade." And after that he had an interview with Jerome alone.What passed between them was never distinctly known; but it must have been something remarkable, for Jerome went from the door with his hands crossed on his breast, his high head lowered, and sighing as he went.
The two monks that watched with him till matins related that all through the night he broke out from time to time in pious ejaculations, and praises, and thanksgivings; only once they said he wandered, and thought he saw her walking in green meadows with other spirits clad in white, and beckoning him; and they all smiled and beckoned him.And both these monks said (but it might have been fancy) that just before dawn there came three light taps against the wall, one after another, very slow; and the dying man heard them, and said,"I come, love, I come."This much is certain, that Gerard did utter these words, and prepare for his departure, having uttered them.He sent for all the monks who at that hour were keeping vigil.They came, and hovered like gentle spirits round him with holy words.Some prayed in silence for him with their faces touching the ground, others tenderly supported his head.But when one of them said something about his life of self-denial and charity, he stopped him, and addressing them all said, "My dear brethren, take note that he who here dies so happy holds not these new-fangled doctrines of man's merit.Oh, what a miserable hour were this to me an if I did! Nay, but I hold, with the Apostles, and their pupils in the Church, the ancient fathers, that we are justified not by our own wisdom, or piety, or the works we have done in holiness of heart, but by faith.'"[1]
